Rebecca Zamolo and Husband Matt Slays Reveal Miscarriage in Devastating YouTube Video

YouTube star Rebecca Zamolo revealed she suffered a miscarriage in a heartbreaking video with her husband, Matt Slays. At the beginning of the 20-minute video, Zamolo, 36, said they hoped to share some good news with her 10 million subscribers Saturday, but instead, she opened up about the couple’s struggle to start a family. She said she had life-saving surgery four years ago to remove her colon, which has made it “harder” to have children.

During the video, Zamolo said through tears that she is discussing a “part of our life that we haven’t really shared with anyone.” They have both dreamed about having a family “forever,” so they started IVF treatments about a year ago. During the process, she found out she was pregnant, and she included footage from her journey in the new video. The first time she thought she was pregnant, she was told she had a chemical pregnancy. Then, she went through another round of IVF. She had implantation after Thanksgiving and discovered she was pregnant again, reports PEOPLE.

Zamolo wanted to tell her fans at the time, but she opted not to. Instead, they told her mother and sister, who had previously offered to be Zamolo’s surrogate. “The fact that I was able to get pregnant was so exciting, and to know that my body could hold a baby, a human, in it,” she said. Unfortunately, they learned Zamolo suffered a miscarriage during her week nine ultrasound appointment.

“That moment, it was like it was all done. This whole plan, this whole pregnancy was over,” Zamolo explained. “We weren’t even expecting this at this point. Our chances were like less than 6 percent of a miscarriage at this point, and my levels were so strong. We were caught off guard.” Her family was in shock, and Zamolo started to wonder if she was to blame.

Zamolo’s following on Instagram and YouTube is in the millions, so she felt it was important to publicly share this news. “It’s almost like, as a woman, you just feel like you’re not worthy if you can’t bear a child,” she said. “I started thinking about how I’ve connected with so many of you… and how much I appreciated the connection once I opened up. I was thinking about it and I got angry. It was like, society tells us as women that we have to keep this private, even the husbands. We can’t talk about it, so you have no support system… You feel all alone.”

Zamolo and Slays, who have been married for over six years, will continue on this journey and will be sharing every step with her fans. She tried to end her video on an uplifting note. “Hopefully there will be a happy ending, but maybe we don’t know what that is,” she said. “Our journey is not over. We’re just starting, and we’re gonna be sharing this journey with you guys. … Honestly, making videos has been such a life-saver this year with everything going on. It was the one escape where you can just have fun and you don’t have to think about it.”

On Sunday, Zamolo shared photos of herself lying on a floor with a rainbow over her head. She thanked fans for their overwhelming support and opening up about their own experiences. “Life is quite the journey,” she wrote, “but having support from others makes it a lot easier.”