Meghan McCain is continuing to be open about her grieving process following the death of her father, Senator John McCain.
The View co-host took to Instagram on Friday to reflect on 144 days since the death of her father, who passed away in August at the age of 81 following a battle with glioblastoma. In her post, McCain continued to be open about her grief and the process of healing.
“144 days - missed my Dad all day today, been feeling so frustrated at the state of my grief process - wishing I would get sent some kind of sign or feeling things are going to get better,” she wrote. “Got into my car in midtown and looked out the window and saw this literal sign my car was parked next to...[cactus]”
McCain has frequently opened up about her grief in the months since her father’s passing, oftentimes reflecting on her loss and how, even months later, she is still struggling to come to terms with it.
“I still miss you every hour,” she wrote when marking 139 days since his death. “Time feels slow, like being underwater – I try and fill the days distracting myself from how painful it all still is. I cannot believe how intense it all still feels – isn’t it supposed to start easing up by now? It hasn’t. Grief keeps a tight and relentless stranglehold.”
Comparing his loss to an “amputation,” she went on to describe all of the things that she wished her father had been here to see.
“I wish you had seen me get older, I wish you could have met my future children, I wish you could still watch me on The View every day and laugh about how crazy the world is,” she wrote. “I wish I could still hike in the creek with you, I wish we could still drink coffee on the deck, I miss the Arizona I love that exists with you in it.”
Commemorating his loss in December, 113 later, she revealed that at times she momentarily forgets that he is no longer there and that she finds herself “still waiting for you to call me on my phone” and that she is “still waiting to be woken up from this bizarre nightmare/coma that was the last year watching what happens to a person who fights glioblastoma.”
McCain, who gave the eulogy at her father’s funeral, recently paid tribute to him in another way when she traveled to London to accept an award on her father’s behalf for outstanding contribution to human rights law.