Craig Strickland’s Widow Helen Shares Heartbreaking Essay on Grief

Country singer Craig Strickland passed away a year ago in January, but the wounds of his loss are still fresh in his widow, Helen’s, heart.

In a new essay posted to her personal blog, the former Miss. Arkansas is getting brutally candid about what happened at the time of his death and how she is grieving.

“From Newly Wed to Widow: The Search for Craig,” begins with Helen outlining her thoughts after her soul mate was found to be missing while on a duck hunting trip.

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Her account of the day of his disappearance is haunting. 

“I got up 4 a.m. and put on a full face of makeup and super girly ski outfit,” she writes. “So that when we found Craig stranded on a random island on the lake (so happy to see me, of course), he would look at me with doe-like eyes and say, ‘Wow! My wife is so hot.’ No joke. That was really my thought process as I packed for the trip. As I got ready that morning, I felt so sure that I would see my husband in wonderful spirits that evening.”

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She quickly lost hope when she was informed the boat Strickland and his friend Chase Morland had been found capsized. 

A storm kept the family from helping in the search, but hope briefly returned when Strickland’s dog Sam was found alive. 

“I don’t think in Sam’s entire life that he had ever received as much love and attention as he got that day from our family, or as we would receive in the weeks following from random strangers,” she recalled. 

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A week later, Strickland’s body was found and her mourning began in earnest. 

“Never once did I get angry at God for my circumstances,” she writes in her essay. “But there were times that I just didn’t want it to be real; and therefore, would ask Him if this didn’t have to be part of my life’s story. But it was there on that lookout point that I realized what I was experiencing was bigger than me. In all actuality, it wasn’t even about me at all. It was about God, and God using Craig’s testimony to impact lives of more people than I could have ever imagined. It was about providing a sense of strength and hope for people also going through tragic circumstances and needing to be reminded of God’s love for them.”

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She shared the intimate moment on the eve of his funeral when the feelings became too much to bear. 

“There in that dark hotel room next to my childhood best friend, who knew every secret about me, I felt the feelings I had tried so hard to ignore starting to spill out of my lips. I’ll never forget looking at the faint outline of her face and saying with child-like honesty, ‘Holly…I don’t want this to be my life. I miss him. I miss cuddling with him. I miss kissing him. I don’t want him to be gone.’ It was like I thought that by saying the words, maybe she could change what was going to happen the next day. Thinking on that moment still makes me choke up because it was so real. So raw. It was the first time I had allowed myself to admit it. I had finally ripped the band-aid off and let the wound bleed.”

The pain has not faded, but she has found answers in the grief. “It is in those dreadfully quiet, tear-filled moments, when we’re alone in our bed that God is closest. He’s waiting for you to look to Him before anyone else, because he is wanting to be the one to heal the painful places of our hearts with His love (the only remedy for a broken heart).”

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“In the months to come I will admit that I had days when I felt totally lost,” she admits, but she has a plan for her future. “My heart would yearn for someone that wasn’t there, and nothing I could do would change that. But on the days when I felt like the loneliness I felt might consume me, I’d stop and check where I’m focusing my perspective…because I’ve found that if I’m allowing my ‘aloneness’ to dictate my feelings, then most likely my focus is inward on my own selfish wants and desires, instead of being focused upward on my relationship with God.”