Woman Who Gouged out Her Eyes Says 'I Feel Like Myself Again'

Kaylee Muthart, the woman who gouged her own eyes out while high on crystal meth three months ago, is now home and getting used to life without eyesight.

"I actually feel like a person. I feel like myself, and I don't feel like I'm chasing something," the 20-year-old told PEOPLE Magazine this week. "It, actually, feels really nice. The way it worked out is the way God had it work out, that's just the way it is… but I'd rather for it to have happened than to still be stuck in that world."

On Feb. 6, Muthart clawed her eyes out in front of an Anderson, South Carolina church during an intense, meth-induced hallucination. She was just days away from going into rehab after struggles with drug addiction in the previous months.

Afterwards, Muthart sent weeks at Greenville Memorial Hospital and underwent treatment at a psychiatric facility. In early March, she was allowed to go home to her mother and has been clean ever since.

In a Cosmopolitan interview after she went home, Muthart said she thought she was making a "sacrifice" to God.

"I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn't tear out my eyes immediately," she recalled. "I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately."

In her new PEOPLE interview, Muthard admitted she does feel sad by her situation, but her faith has helped her in the healing process.

"I'm a very optimistic person, and I went in with an optimistic outlook — but at some points, you're going to fall down," she said. "That's just life."

Muthart spends her time using Netflix's audio description service to enjoy television shows and learned to play songs on the guitar and piano.

Since February, Muthart has continued to speak out, hoping her story can teach others the dangers of drug addiction. She has even heard from people who shared their own stories.

"People that are actually on drugs will understand that drugs are capable of doing the things that they did to me," she told PEOPLE. "Sharing my story might make them realize that, or it might encourage them to stop."

Soon, Muthart will start a rehabilitation course at the South Carolina Commission of the Blind to help her get comfortable with her new situation. On July 3, she will have the first surgery to have her orbital cavities prepared for prosthetic eyes.

Muthart's mother has also started a GoFundMe page to help pay for medical expenses. In three months, the page has raised $50,333.


"It's the same life, but I'm just learning everything in a new way," Muthart told PEOPLE in March. "Life's more beautiful now, life's more beautiful than it was being on drugs. It is a horrible world to live in."