Chris Randone ‘Ashamed’ of Behavior on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’

Bachelor in Paradise cast member Chris Randone knows you probably hate him at this point.

Known for his controversial attitude on Becca Kufrin’s season of The Bachelorette, Randone returned on the latest season of the summer themed-Bachelor spinoff for a second chance at love, and maybe redemption arc with fans.

The reality star, who has gotten hate after fans roasted him for playing with castmember Tia Booth’s emotions, took to Instagram ahead of Tuesday’s new episode to ask for forgiveness once again for his behavior on the show.

“Tonight is another episode of bachelor in paradise. Up until this point, I haven’t been able to stomach this experience,” Randone wrote on a lengthy Instagram post.

“The amount of pain I feel deep inside has grown larger by the minute since the moment I stepped onto the beach. I’d be lying if I said the comments and articles I’m reading haven’t made me depressed because they have.”

He added: “I’m trying to pretend like everything is normal but it’s not. It’s far from normal. I feel so distant from everyone and everything. Feeling alone is something no one should endure and right now I feel just that.”

“I know at this point, everyone believes I’m a f—boy,” Randone went on. “The guy who treats women with disrespect and only cares about himself. Thrustme, what I saw last night, that’s how I felt about myself too. I’m embarrassed with my actions.”

Randone continued by telling readers he wasn’t opening up as part of a publicity stunt, or to “make you feel different about me.” He simply wanted to express his feelings “as tears come down my face.”

“Women have been an intricate part of my life since I was a child,” Randone continued. “Growing up with a single mom and two younger sisters, I became very aware of women’s emotions and feelings.”

“Make them feel empowered and loved as been a duty of mine forever,” he wrote. “I’ve always taken pride in being the older brother and looking out for them, especially my mother. I made a promise to myself as a teenager to make sure I treat any woman that comes into my life the same as how I would want my sisters or mom to be treated.”

Randone admits later that he knows the first couple episodes of Bachelor in Paradise make him look like the “complete opposite.”

“I know you have this negative connotation of me and you should,” he wrote. “This is not me telling you I’m the complete opposite of that and change your mind.”

“I’m not asking for forgiveness. I want you know where I’m at mentally in paradise right now.”

He said that in Paradise he was trying to be someone he wasn’t, claiming he felt like he was not “engaged” and “lost.”

“There’s insecurities that’re making me shut down,” he continued. “I’m having so much anxiety but you wouldn’t know.”

The note goes on to Randone saying he feels horrible for what he did to both Booth and Krystal Nielson, claiming he wants to “leave and run away.”

“I remember going into the shower crying hysterically for an hour because I felt so much pain,” he added. “I knew people were hurt and it was because of me.”

“I’m sorry for what you’ve seen. I apologize to every single woman out there from the bottom of my heart.”

Randone concluded the post apologizing to his mother and sisters, Jena and Gia, as well as to the cast members he hurt with his actions.

“To Tia: I’m sorry, You didn’t deserve any of that. In fact, you deserved way better.”

“To Krystal: I’m sorry I wasn’t aware of your emotions in the moment. You were trying to be there for me and I blew you off. You’re a strong woman and didn’t deserve that.”

During Tuesday’s episode, Randone was still pursuing Nielson after giving her his rose at the previous Rose Ceremony. His note before the episode probably means their falling out will come sooner rather than later.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.