Attack Of The B-Horror Movies

LIVE, BRAINS! You all remember Tarman, right?

Tarman, the infamous trioxin canister-zombie with melted muscles from The Return Of The Living Dead, is one of the most famous B-Horror movie zombies around.

Speaking of B-horror films, let’s agree that not all of them are bad because they do hold a special place in our hearts. No matter how horrible they are, they still give us what we want – plenty of bloody gore, silly action, and ridiculous storylines.

Even the worst horror movies ever made like Plan 9 From Outer Space (1958) from prolific director Ed Wood or Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006) offer up a few good laughs.

In fact, the most celebrated horror movies are now cult classics with solid fandoms that started out as complete box office bombs. Campy, cheesy, cut-rate – call them what you want, but maybe we just love bad movies!

If we included every B-horror movie on this list that was worth watching, this list would never end. So, we picked out a few special gems that you may or may not have seen.

Please note, due to the amount of purely gag-worthy scenes in these films, we tried to keep our images on the safe side, for those of you that just can’t stomach this kind of…movie magic.

Now, let’s get into Attack Of The B-Horror Movies with 6 of our favorites…

Troll 2

 It’s eating her and then it’s going to eat me!

Troll 2 is arguably known as one of the worst horror movies of all time. There is no denying that the premise of the Troll movies are so bad that people who’ve never even seen the films still talk about them.

Troll 2, sequel to the original takes us to Nilbog, the enchanted green land of the goblins whose main purpose in life is to find food and eat it – and by food we mean humans.

When young Joshua (Michael Stephenson) learns that he will be going on vacation with his family to a small town called Nilbog, he protests adamantly. He is warned by the spirit of his dead grandfather that goblins populate the town.

His parents, Michael (George Hardy) and Diana (Margo Prey), dismiss his lies, but soon learn to appreciate their son’s warnings. Guided by his grandfather’s ghost, leaving Joshua and his loved ones to fight off the evil Goblin Queen, who tries to destroy the innoccent family with magical rocks and ears of corn.

And for some reason everything is covered in green…moss? Oh, right that’s because the goblins are vegetarians and are trying to turn the people into plants so they can eat them.

How did they NOT know that they were taking a vacation directly into a trap! NILBOG is GOBLIN spelled backwards. 

Troll 2 might be the worst B-horror movie ever, but you have to watch it – at least once to appreciate how bad it really is.

 

Street Trash

Things in New York are about to go down the toilet…

There is nothing better than a good ironic horror movie, one in which the thing you love the most causes your homeless body to brutally explode on the hard-knock streets of New York City.

Street Trash is pure B-horror comedy gold – if you’re into that sort of thing.

This shocker will most likely appeal to fans of pitch-black beyond-bad-taste comedy. Others may find it highly offensive and gross as it chronicles the fate of homeless Brooklyn winos when they get into some tainted wine and begin melting into slimy puddles of human goo.

The wine, called “Tenafly Viper,” is being sold by the owner of a liquor store who found it lying around in his basement and sells it to the bums for a buck. It is later revealed that the wine was deliberately spiked by the government to get rid of them.

Street Trash is the perfect example of a completely tasteless yet entertaining body horror movie regarded as “melt movies.”

You know, where victims just melt away into the streets. Oh, and the title is a total play on words, but you probably figured that out! 

Black Sheep

Get the flock out of here!

No, not the comedy flick with the late Chris Farley and David Spade. Just wanted to get that out of the way quick.

These fuzzy, loveable sheep were once quiet and peaceful, living the good life in the New Zealand countryside, until some evil businessman decided to play scientist.

The good news is that businessmen interested in investing in the genetic experiments are soon slaughtered by the infected sheep.

Black Sheep (2006) follows Sheep-fearing Henry (Nathan Meister) as he returns to his brother’s (Peter Feeney) New Zealand farm, hoping his sibling will buy out his share of the property. However, what he finds are genetically altered sheep that prey on humans and turn their victims into undead, woolly killers. Shear madness ensues as Henry, an animal-rights activist (Danielle Mason) and a farmhand (Tammy Davis) set out to stop the rampaging animals.

What’s better than zombie sheep turning tearing into innocent people and turning them into MORE zombie sheep? 

You see, this is what happens when you mess with wild animals and their natural DNA – they contract a deadly virus and eat all of your friends. 

Have you ever been afraid of sheep before? Watch this movie (which has very good reviews by the way) and let us know. 

 

Dead Alive

 Your mother ate my dog!

Dead Alive is Peter Jackson’s goriest film to date. Yes, THAT Peter Jackson – the celebrated director of The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit trilogies, among other award winning movies.

Dead Alive is also highly-regarded as the goriest B-horror movie ever. If you can stomach this splatter film (which is actually really well done) let us know so we can present you with an award for making it out alive. It’s even been called “Jackson’s best film to date” and has an 86% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

“Jackson’s hyperkinetic directing style and the laugh-a-minute script lend a jovial, throw-away feel to the literal avalanche of sticky gore and severed limbs & organs splashing across the screen.”

Overprotective mother Vera Cosgrove (Elizabeth Moody), spying on her grown son, Lionel (Timothy Balme), as he visits the zoo with the lovely Paquita (Diana Penalver), is accidentally bitten by the fearsome Sumatran rat-monkey. When the bite turns his beloved mother into a zombie, Lionel tries to keep her locked safely in the basement, but her repeated escapes turn most of the neighbors into the walking dead, who then crash a high-society party thrown by Lionel’s boorish Uncle Les (Ian Watkin).

Alright, now let’s discuss what really goes down. Lionel is just trying keep his zombie mom safe from being discovered, so he uses horse tranquelizers on her and everything else she has turned into a zombie to keep it a secret. 

Two of the zombies uhh…have a zombie baby that likes to throw “tantrums.” Lionel eventually loses control of the Zombie hoarde and disentegrates all of them with his weapon of choice – a lawnmower.

Meanwhile, poor zombie mom has blown up into a gargantuan monster with the grossest distorted head we’ve ever seen and chases after Lionel and his gal. He accidentally falls into her open womb and has to slash his way out of his own mother to save Paquita…and live happily ever after.

She also eats her own ear because it falls into a bowl of custard.

Good luck with this one! 

 

 

Return of the Living Dead

They’re back from the grave and ready to party!

Punk rockers and rotting zombie corpses unite to throw the a huge rager at the local graveyard, strip tease and all in the best B-horror comedy movie of all time (per fans and critics) – The Return Of The Living Dead (1985).

When foreman Frank (James Karen) shows new employee Freddy (Thom Mathews) a secret military experiment in a supply warehouse, the two klutzes accidentally release a gas that reanimates corpses into flesh-eating zombies. As the epidemic spreads throughout Louisville, Ky., and the creatures satisfy their hunger in gory and outlandish ways, Frank and Freddy fight to survive with the help of their boss (Clu Gulager) and a mysterious mortician (Don Calfa).

Freddy’s girlfriend Tina and misfit friends Spider, Trash, Scuz, Suicide, Casey, and Chuck have are forced inside of the warehouse when their graveyard bash gets halted by acid rain – where they all encounter Tarman, a rotting corpse that was previously thought to be dead.

Tarman, the main zombie, is well-known for introducing the popular concept of zombies eating brains instead of just human flesh, changing the zombie film genre forever. 

It’s really a romantic love story wrapped inside of a slapstick comedy, wrapped inside of disgusting gore-fest zombie movie, because in the end Tina stays by Freddy’s side as he begins to zombify and eats her alive.

 

Chopping Mall

When shopping costs you an arm and a leg!

Chopping Mall, a 1986 B-horror slasher directed by Jim Wynorski, is chock full of puns, killer security guard robots, teenagers, and technology gone wrong – very, very wrong.

High tech robots equpped with state-of-the-art security devices have been recruited as the new mechanical “night watchman” for the Park Plaza Mall. When a jolting bolt of lightning short circuits the main computer control, the robots turn into “killbots,” meanwhile four couples try to make it through the night by hiding out in a mattress store.

While the film does exploit the natural fear that we humans have about advanced AI becoming smarter than we are, it also perfectly balances slasher horror and comedy with memorable scenes set to a synth soundtrack.

And by memorable scenes, we mean heads exploding from robot lasers…

And with that, you have Chopping Mall. If you work at the mall, whatever you do, don’t stay late to “party” with your friends. 

You never know what could happen.

Now, as we already mentioned, our picks are just a few of the many worthy campy, silly, cheesy, and overly gorey B-horror movies out there. Let us know what some of your favorites are!