Carrie Underwood Was ‘Angry’ at God After Suffering Miscarriages

Carrie Underwood is mom to two boys, 5-year-old Isaiah and 1-year-old Jacob, but before Jacob’s birth, the country singer suffered a series of miscarriages that led her to wonder whether if she would be able to have another child. In the second episode of Underwood and husband Mike Fisher‘s I Am Second series, Mike and Carrie: God & Country, which aired on Wednesday, the couple opened up about that struggle, which Underwood admitted she didn’t ever see herself “having to deal with.”

“It sounds wrong when you say it, but, it’s one of those ‘bad things that happen to other people,’ you know what I mean?” she said. “It’s not something that you ever envision yourself having to deal with.” When the couple decided to have a second child, Underwood got pregnant “fairly easily” but suffered her first miscarriage. After her second miscarriage, Fisher revealed that God told him the couple would have another son and that his name would be Jacob. “I was frustrated, we had two miscarriages,” the former NHL player recalled. “What’s the future look like, we don’t know. Are we going to adopt, are we going to… going through things in your mind. I was just wrestling and probably the most honest I’d been with God. And I heard, not audibly, but I sensed that God told me that we were going to have a son, and his name’s Jacob.”

Underwood soon had a third miscarriage and recalled asking her husband, “Where is he?” Shortly after, the “Cry Pretty” singer became pregnant again and believed she was suffering a fourth miscarriage. “She was like, ‘I lost the baby,’ and I was like, ‘There’s no way. Again?’” Fisher recalled. The next day, Fisher was gone and Underwood said that she didn’t want to be alone, so she crawled into bed with a sleeping Isaiah and had a conversation with God. “I told him how I felt,” she said. “I was hurt, I was a little angry. Of course you feel guilty for being mad at your creator. And I told him I needed something. I needed, we needed to have a baby or not ever. I couldn’t keep going down that road anymore.” She told her doctor that she wanted to go in and see what was happening with her pregnancy and received a call from a nurse telling her that her numbers were “through the roof.”

“We went in later on that day and had an ultrasound and it’s like, ‘It’s all okay, everything’s okay,” she said. “We were like, ‘Jacob, this is Jacob.’” The couple shared that the name Jacob wasn’t ever one they had discussed but that it was the right one for their son. “So many times, you’re on the mountaintops and things are great, and sometimes those are the hardest times because you don’t feel like you need God,” Fisher said through tears. “But then you go through the valleys and you actually really seek Him and His will and that’s when you learn and grow. He changes you, He changes our marriage for the better.”