'Grey's Anatomy' Alum Abigail Spencer Details 'Hard Year' That Almost 'Killed' Her
Abigail Spencer took a rare moment on social media to get personal, revealing that 2021 was the "hardest year" of her life. The Grey's Anatomy alum revealed that the year nearly destroyed her, taking a moment for her 41st birthday on August 4.
"August 4th 2021, I moved into the hardest year of my life," Spencer wrote in the caption. "It almost killed me, and if I hadn't been in training for my mind, body & spirit for & surrounded myself with the most incredible community of friends & healers, I do not believe I would have survived it. I'm not going to get into the details of the events that brought about what I'm about to share, but I'll tell you some of the emotional headlines of its effects."
She goes on to reveal that a year prior she decided to go on an emotional wellness retreat at Onsite, taking in a week of "intensive trauma therapy" to "get more healing & more tools to dance with the fullness of life."
"They say it's the equivalent to 100 hours of therapy in a week. That week was radical & life changing," Spencer writes. "I stepped into my 40th year feeling better than ever. Like I had plugged my tail bone into the sun. Ready to take on life come what may. And boy did it."
The difficulty of the year was countered by the therapy, though Spencer's description of what she endured is a nightmare. "I literally felt like my insides were being eaten by stress. I couldn't get up off the floor some days. Fear & loss had gripped me. Anxiety would arrest me," Spencer admitted. "In the fight of my life. I cried so hard on multiple occasions that it led me to vomiting. I spent hours some days trembling while holding myself through the incessant distress."
She even felt like she was having a heart attack at one point, with a doctor saying she was not experiencing one but she was dealing with a broken heart. "If I exerted too much energy, I knew my bones would break. 7 – 9 months ago I couldn't imagine anything beyond the hard, cold bathroom floor of my mind. I was a shell of a person. And the most terrifying part was I felt alone," she adds. "I did not feel easy to love. I remember thinking 'WTF is living your best life & how does anyone do that!?'"
She credits self-care, fellow women, "shadow work" and physical care to get through the whole thing. "I scheduled my grief & physical care like it was my effing job," she continued. "Because it was. And then ... more light came in. And every day something or someone would come along to be a warm glow. I started to get my sense of humor back. I remembered that laughing was an option."
The personal note brought out plenty of support from friends, including some famous names like Olivia Munn, Mindy Kaling, and many others. Spencer is clearly in a much better place and the post is a window into that. Hopefully, it can help or inspire some others who find themselves in similar depths.
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