Emilia Clarke on Her Brain Injuries: ‘If I’m Going to Die, I Better Die on Live TV’

Emilia Clarke is speaking candidly about the impact her two brain injuries had on her life and her mindset while filming Game of Thrones. The actress, 37, spoke to the U.K.’s the Big Issue about the strength on which she had to draw to recover from her two aneurysms in a new interview published Monday, June 10. 

Clarke, who played Daenerys Targaryen on the wildly popular HBO fantasy series from 2011 to 2019, suffered an aneurysm in 2011 and another in 2013, which led her to have serious doubts about herself and her career.”When you have a brain injury, because it alters your sense of self on such a dramatic level, all of the insecurities you have going into the workplace quadruple overnight,” Clarke told the outlet.

She added, “The first fear we all had was: ‘Oh my God, am I going to get fired? Am I going to get fired because they think I’m not capable of completing the job?’”

Clarke also feared she would suffer another hemorrhage in her brain because of all the stress and pressure she was under acting in front of thousands of people and cameras. The Me Before You star remembered thinking at the time, “Well, if I’m going to die, I better die on live TV.”

Clarke and her mom would go on to found the charity SameYou in 2019 to develop better mental health recovery for those who suffer brain injuries and advocate for change. Their charity is also partnering with Big Issue Recruit to support brain injury survivors and their loved ones when it comes to the workplace with the help of Big Issue Recruit specialist job coaches. The organization vows to support “people who face barriers to joining the workforce into sustainable employment,” according to its website.

“Having a chronic condition that diminishes your confidence in this one thing you feel is your reason to live is so debilitating and so lonely,” Clarke told the publication. “One of the biggest things I felt with a brain injury was profoundly alone. That is what we’re trying to overcome.”

The Emmy-nominated actress revealed that while she was recovering from her own brain injury, she felt like she “couldn’t carry on,” and that she asked medical staff to let her die due to her fears about the future of her acting career. Now, however, she sees her brain injury journey in a much more positive light. “It has given me a superpower,” she shared.