Twilight star Kellan Lutz and his wife, Brittany Lutz, recently revealed that they lost their first child six months into Brittany's pregnancy, and she opened up about the devastating loss further in a new Instagram post on Sunday, sharing a photo of a single white rose Kellan brought her to honor their baby girl.
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Brittany began by thanking her followers for the support they had shown her, calling them "superwomen" and sharing her appreciation for those who had shared their own experiences with her and Kellan.
"This has, without a doubt, been the hardest season of my life," she wrote. "It feels as though within one day we went from a season that felt like a warm summer day, to the most frigid, windiest, iciest, day ever recorded. My emotions and feelings are slightly all over the place which is to be expected. Some moments I feel so full of peace and hope and expectancy. And other moments, simply put, it all just hurts like hell. I think it is important to try to always operate from a place of positivity, but that doesn't mean you don't acknowledge the other side too. We are human after all. We all hurt, bleed, cry. Feeling the negative emotions doesn't make you negative."
She continued by listing "the pain," writing, "I miss her. A lot." Brittany added that her "milk came in last night," which "feels like a cruel reminder that I have no baby to feed," and that her "arms and neck are covered in bruises from IVs and blood transfusions and my body is so sore from fighting to survive."
Sharing some positives, she continued, "I'm still here!!!! I'm writing this right now and feel humbled," Brittany also praised Kellan, writing, "I have the greatest husband and family and friends (and all of you who I've never even met!) who have poured so much back to me that I feel full."
"Even though this is so heavy, I have an unexplainable hope and excitement for the future," she concluded. "I'm not ready for another pregnancy right now, (not sure when I will be honestly), but I'm excited to heal and move forward and explore this new version of myself. This situation didn't make me the person I thought I would become (specifically a mother to a real life baby girl), but it did birth a new version of me. Truthfully I'm scared and nervous but at the same time really eager to get to know her."
Brittany first shared that she had miscarried in a post last week, uploading a photo of herself cradling her baby bump.
"Baby girl, It was my absolute honor and pleasure to be your mom these last 6 months," she wrote. "I did my best and it was an absolute joy seeing your little face all those times on that screen and feeling your tiny kicks. I don't know why it happened the way it did, but part of me finds so much peace knowing you never experienced pain or heartache and never will. You're in the arms of Jesus now and one day we will get to meet you for real. Until I see you in heaven... your mommy loves you so much."
Photo Credit: Getty / Paul Archuleta