A Big Brother romance bit the dust this month — but Elena Davies is still in love with Mark Jansen.
In her first time speaking out about the breakup, Davies said on a new episode of the MiscELENAeous Podcast that "it's pretty obvious that I have been very dumped."
"Mark and I are no longer together," she said.
"Love does not just disappear, right along with the man who leaves you," she lamented. Davies and Jansen started dating in the summer of 2017 during season 19 of Big Brother. Jansen broke the news of the "Marlena" breakup last week in a 45-minute YouTube video.
Davies said that she "really didn't want to give up. And I fought really hard for him, and I guess I didn't fight soon enough, or hard enough, and I didn't put in enough until it was too late. But I did fight for him until the very last moment, that I found out he had moved on with someone else from Tinder."
In his video confessional, Jansen admitted to moving on, and told viewers that he struggled with the fact that Davies didn't start every day with positivity. Davies, for her part, said that 2018 was a rough year for her emotionally.
"There was not one day that that man woke up and questioned the depth of my love for him," a choked-up Davies told her listeners. "I didn't always show it the right way, but he knew I loved him. I was not a perfect girlfriend. I took him for granted a lot of times. There are a million ways I wasn't the partner he deserves, and if I could go back and change so much I would. I'm sorry I saw him as a guarantee and I let him down, but I never did not love him."
"But we are very different people," she added. "I think that level of disconnect and some inability to effectively communicate and actively listen at times led us to where we are today."
Following the end of season 19 of Big Brother in September 2017, Jansen relocated from Buffalo, New York, to Davies' hometown of Dallas. They moved in together and regularly hung out with fellow Big Brother couple Jessica Graf and Cody Nickson, who married in October and are expecting their first child together.
Davies, 28, said she struggled with sharing only the "good times" with fans from her and Jansen's relationship.
"I think that romantic culture has been ruined by fairy tales," she said. "Not one single person in this world is dating Prince Charming."
"I think navigating any relationship is hard," she admitted. "Navigating one that started on reality TV with a person that is your polar opposite, and lacking the luxury of privacy was just something that, I guess, Mark and I couldn't handle."
"I loved Mark," she continued. "I still love Mark, a f—ing lot — oh, what a turn of events — and my heart is absolutely shattered into a million pieces. Survival after a breakup can feel impossible at times, and the only thing getting me through these hard days is knowing I can survive because I've survived before. Also, vodka. Also, Xanax. Also, my wonderful friends and family."
"I wanted to be the girl of his dreams so bad," she added through tears. "I hope to never have a podcast like this again."
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