If you have to ask yourself if you've ever had a real orgasm, chances are you haven't. There's a reason they're described as mind-blowing, hair-raising and toe-numbing, and everyone deserves to experience an orgasm.
Don't feel embarrassed if you've never done it; according to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, only 65 percent of straight women say they frequently orgasm. That means 35 percent of women aren't experiencing an orgasm during sex!
While the task at hand may seem enviably easy for men, there are many factors go into it for women that make it a bit more difficult. For example, not all orgasms are created equal — some women get off on clitoral action; others prefer vaginal. It also helps to be in the right headspace to reach the big O. Take these seven tips on how to have an orgasm for the first time and thank us later (and finally stop faking it!).
One of the best parts about the female orgasm is that it doesn't take two to tango. You can do just as good a job (if not a better one) all by your lonesome, so take some time to get to know your lady flower.
Start by touching and self-pleasuring yourself. Notice what's coming up physically, emotionally and mentally with each area you focus on. You don't necessarily need to have an orgasm here either; just take the time to familiarize yourself with what feels good. Set a timer for a certain amount of time, like 10 or 15 minutes. That way you're not wondering "will I or won't I" and can simply stop when time is up.
Delay the actual act of sex a little bit and start exploring other parts of your body with your hands, sex toys or even fun items like feathers or blind folds. The more in touch you are with your body (literally), the more you're likely to find that sweet spot.
Let your mind wander to fantasies or other sexy situations. Try reading erotica, watching ethical porn or remembering Ryan Gosling's abs. It's all about creating the right scene for you to get down and dirty.
A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy surveyed over 1,000 women about arousal, sexual pleasure and orgasms and found that vaginal intercourse alone doesn't do as much as you think it does for her. In fact, only 18 percent of women say they orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
What that means is that it's time to focus on your clitoris, which consists of a tiny external gland, but runs internally along either side of your labia in a wishbone shape. Most women find indirect stimulation to turn them on the most, so focus on feeling around for that sweet spot along your labia or the external part of your clit.
Looking for some specifics? Check out these sexy moves here.
Pay attention to how your body feels during sex or masturbation. Figure out exactly which moves are doing the trick so you know which moves to ditch for good. For example, if a vibrator isn't doing anything except make you wonder why in the world they're so popular, get rid of it and switch to manual stimulation.
All in all, it's up to you to know how to make your body happy. Your partner can certainly help get you there, but knowing the right buttons to push will make all the difference in the world.
Anxiety and stress can play a huge role in not being able to have an orgasm. Figure out what's making you anxious, whether you're worried you're not good in bed, worried you'll come off as selfish or simply wondering what could possibly be taking so long. Stressing the whole time during sex is only going to make matters worse.
Reframe your anxieties so you're not so worried about them. Instead try thinking about how excited you are to be getting it on. Focus on how your body is reacting to your or your partner's touch and allow your brain to turn off for a few moments. If you're really having difficulties letting go of your anxieties, try talking to a therapist to figure out the root issue.
The next time your partner does something you like, let him know! Whether it's through moaning or body language, make sure he knows that what he's doing is working.
On the other hand, if it's not all sunshine and rainbows during sex, don't be afraid to give a little direction. Simple instructions like "harder" or "faster" help him figure out the pace. You could even show him by physically taking his hands and teach him what you like. By communicating your desires clearly, you can be sure you'll never go without an orgasm again.
Easier said than done, right? But if you focus on the moment and how your body reacts to sensual touch, you'll forget all about the fact that you're trying to have an orgasm. Take "have an orgasm" off your to-do list and enjoy the fun. Instead of worrying about reaching the finish time, your body will just do it and you'll finally see what all the fuss is about.