John Lennon’s Ex May Pang Says She Cried the First Time They Had Sex

John Lennon’s ex, May Pang, is opening up about her whirlwind 18-month relationship with the late Beatles artist during a break in his marriage to Yoko Ono. Pang, who once worked for Lennon and Ono as their personal secretary, was 23 years old when her relationship with the “Imagine” singer turned from professional to romantic in what Lennon would later describe as his “lost weekend.”

Now, at 72 years old, Pang shares the intimate details of her relationship with Lennon in her new documentary The Lost Weekend, including the fact that she cried the first time the two had sex. “I didn’t know where it was going to lead,” she told PEOPLE. “I was like, ‘What’s going to happen?’ I was very content in working. [But] he kept saying, ‘I don’t know where this is going to lead, but let’s just do the jump.’”

Lennon, who was 10 years older than Pang, was going through a separation from Ono when the artist, now 90, suggested Pang act as Lennon’s girlfriend. “I refused,” Pang recalled. “I respected their marriage. I said, ‘That’s not what I want to do.’ I was very happy as a worker.” It didn’t take long before Lennon “charmed the pants off” Pang, however, and she remembered in her documentary their relationship of nearly two years.

“He was just an interesting person. He really loved everything and wanted to explore,” Pang shared. “He loved to get up, have his coffee in the morning. He loved blueberry pancakes, he loved swimming. He was just an awesome person who wanted to discover things.” Ono never was gone from Lennon’s life, however, and the two reconciled by 1975 – a decision that was difficult for Pang, who said there “wasn’t any” sense of closure. 

The two did continue to spend time together in private over the next five years until Lennon’s death in 1980. “He’d secretly come over to see me. He would say, ‘You know, I still love you,’” Pang remembered. “He said things to me that were really very intimate and you could sense there was something still. It was gnawing at him. It was not a finished situation.”

Despite the difficult end of their relationship, Pang is now grateful for her time with Lennon. “The beginning was still raw. Now, I see it as a gift,” she said. “Our relationship was a gift and it was meant to be. I was happy I could give him something that he felt good about, that he never felt before.” The Lost Weekend premieres in theaters on April 13.