Rumer Willis revealed a day before her 31st birthday that she spent the past few weeks suffering a mystery illness that she says began as food poisoning and morphed into a confusing, painful period of time for the actress. The Dancing With the Stars alum shared a lengthy Instagram post on Thursday, asking "How do we Let Go?"
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"This was me yesterday. Exhausted, Overwhelmed and Broken Down," she captioned a no-makeup selfie, explaining that she had just been "sobbing" on the phone with her sister in what she called "a full little kid meltdown."
"I have been sick almost the entire month of August that started with food poisoning to then an unknown stomach problem where I haven’t been able to eat because when I do it feels like my stomach is on fire to the flu that turned into a sinus infection," she said, explaining that the string of illnesses left her feeling "helpless and scared and so utterly overwhelmed."
She continued, "I felt like time was just drifting by and I was trapped in a body that didn’t want to work with me. I have been in so much pain and kept trying to fight it and be angry and sad, but what I realized was that I was trying to control it. I was listening to my body or what it needed and was just trying to control how I felt and when I felt it."
The Once Upon a Time in Hollywood actress said that in order to combat the negativity, she "did some compassionate self forgiveness for any judgements I was holding against myself or my body for not behaving the was [sic] I wanted it to and really just allowed myself to be exactly where I was at and let go."
"And I woke up this morning feeling a little better and feeling much more integrated in myself because I was no longer at war within. I am by no means 100% yet but getting there," she continued, explaining that she felt it was important to share "not just the fun great parts of my life but also the tough ones too because we are all just doing the best we can with the tools we have."
"It’s my birthday tomorrow and i wanted to start my new year letting go of mindsets, beliefs and old stories that no longer serve me," she said. "So I encourage you as you move forward with you day, week or even month allow yourself to let go of the control of the outcome, control of the expectations of how it should go or look, and let go of whatever story you are making up about yourself if it doesn’t turn out the way you planned."
The Masked Singer alum concluded, "It's all happening for you not to you... Anyway for any that this resonates I hope it helped and if it's not for you love to you anyway. Thank you for allowing me to share myself. Love, Rue."
"They said I had a huge jaw. They said I had a 'potato head,'" she said. "When you’re 14 or 15, I didn’t really understand having value in myself yet. My mind went to, 'Okay, so if I get skinny or if I dress the right way or present myself very hyper-sexually and dress this way, then I’ll be valued.'"
"So much for me became wrapped up in that my value set is based on what other people think of me, and had nothing to do with what I thought about myself," she said, adding, "I think the most important thing for me is doing my best to lead by example. I still deal with insecurity and trying to figure out my own path in all of it."
Photo credit: John Sciulli / Stringer / Getty