If sex equals penetration in your mind, it's time for a little lesson. Be sure to take notes.
Intercourse is certainly an important part of your sexual repertoire, but it isn't the only route to pleasure. In fact, there are many ways to experience ahh-mazing sensations and climax without any P-in-V action.
Enter: "outercourse". This term describes any acts that turn you on that occur outside of the body. Not only is outercourse play important in getting partners aroused, it can help you build intimacy and comfort as you navigate those less obvious realms of pleasure together.
Actually, research suggests that many women tout outercourse over intercourse as their preferred route to orgasm.
In a study on the subject, researchers found that only 18 percent of women reported being able to climax during intercourse only from vaginal penetration. About 36 percent said that they require clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse, and another 36 percent said it enhanced their sexual experience to have both kinds of stimulation.
"Think about sex being a small part of SEXuality," sex coach Amy Levine tells Bustle. "Communication, knowing what you like through solo sex, experimenting with things like sex toys, G-spot stimulation etc, taking care of your sexual health are a few of many 'out of the box' options."
These atypical actions in the bedroom could take your mediocre sex to new heights. Whether it's extended foreplay to intercourse or it remains the main event, focus on these outercourse actions to spice things up in your relationship.
Hot and heavy makeouts:
Hopefully, you begin more intimate encounters with some smooching, but it probably doesn't last long once both partners know where this is headed.
Try to take things slow and sink into your kissing. It strengthens your bond as a couple, promotes a sensuality that is often lacking and, if that isn't enough, it even burns calories!
Locking lips triggers your brain to release dopamine and endorphins to promote happiness, so it's the perfect place to begin your sexual encounter. Linger here a little while longer next time or get creative on where you kiss each other.
Think back to those teenage years with your SO in your parents' basement... and you HAVE had outercourse before!
Though you may wonder why you'd resort to clothed humping when you can just have the real deal, remember how sexy it was to rub against each other without having real sex. Tease each other with this fun, forbidden move and spend some time slowly grinding it out with your partner.
Before you pass this tip up, know that you don't have to wear a turtleneck and jeans. Strip down to your skivvies or put on something soft to feel new sensations. A little lace lingerie can give the ladies a thrilling form of friction, too!
Now this is a lost art.
You might have heard of “the power of touch”, a concept that has been researched over and over again. Touch is the rawest form of communication with your partner that we often forget about or don’t realize we’re using.
When you apply conscious, planned touch to your relationship, you’re able to introduce an entirely new realm of connection, and the act itself lights up your pleasure centers for arousal. Just grab some essential oils and make a massage date with your partner.
To learn the art of a sensual massage that'll ensure a very happy ending, check out our beginner's guide.
Exploring the 'E' zones:
Though the genitals get all the credit, they aren't the only parts of the body that can be stimulated for pleasure.
If you've ever grazed your fingertips or exhaled your breath ever so slightly to see a group of goosebumps pop up on your partner's skin, congrats — you've tapped into an erogenous zone.
An erogenous zone is an area of the body with heightened sensitivity, either because it's packed with nerve-endings or it just doesn't get that much attention. Either way, exploring those less-than-obvious spots on your partner can drive them wild (some to the point of orgasm!) without a single thrust of penetration.
Want to explore? Areas like the lips, neck, earlobes or the backs of their knees can be the perfect places to start your quest for those erogenous zones.
Using a toy:
If you want to get down to business down there without heading straight to intercourse, adding a toy to your passion play can turn up the heat and send you on your way to orgasm.
Of course, an external vibrator will do the trick as it stimulates the vulva and clitoris, which is packed with 8,000 nerves, all meant for pleasure. You can also place it on a man's perineum—the area between his scrotum and anus—during a little hand stimulation.
Other lesser used items in a couple's bag of tricks can be feathers (for sexy tickling), food or an ice cube. If you bring in a cup of ice chips, take turns running one along those erogenous zones—including down there—to give you a cool, tingling sensation. You can then take that body part in your mouth to warm it up. The temperature teasing will drive you both crazy.
A little BDSM, maybe?
Just hear us out.
While some BDSM fantasies can take things way too far for the average couple, the act of this type of sexual play nearly always positions outercourse over intercourse.
Whether its bondage, spanking or dressing up for fantasies, the majority of these acts—at least for some of the time—don't involve any penetration.
Even if you aren't into any fetishes, exploring an appropriate level of kink for you and your partner's comfort can spice up your sex life without any new positions.
If you need some ideas on how to introduce it without weirding out your other half, check them out here.
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