Are You Doing Girl-on-Top Sex the Right Way?

Girl-on-top is the ideal position for female orgasm as the woman can control the depth, speed and angle of the act, but it’s also the most intimidating for the same reasons.

After we climb on top, we’re left wondering a slew of thoughts that lead to major insecurities: do I look okay? Am I going too slow? Are my boobs sagging? Does this feel good for him? Am I even doing this right?

With these looming questions and a partner who’s likely to tell you the sex is great no matter what, it’s can be scary to hop on the saddle for cowgirl.

To ease those fears and help you become more confident during your ride, try these tips to become a cowgirl pro.

Start fresh:

First things first: forget any girl-on-top action you’ve seen on TV or by watching adult films (for research, of course).

This position isn’t meant to feature quick thrusts or sloppy movements, so don’t lose your breath trying to race to the finish line. When you’re on top, put an emphasis on the sensuality of the motions and use slow, grinding motions rather than bounces.

Many adult films show the woman starting slow, then speeding up as she gets more aroused. If this works for you and you genuinely like the feeling, do it! But if you’re enjoying the slow rhythm you’ve found, keeping it will lead to an orgasm just the same. In fact, finding a groove and sticking to it is a science-backed hack for orgasm!

Warm up properly:

For a position like this that may already leave you feeling vulnerable, the number one way to fail is by skipping foreplay. If you don’t warm up your bodies, it’ll likely be painful when you start sex, which will lead to you giving up and swearing off the hottest sexual position forever.

Start with a fun make-out session to work up some heat between you, then roll your body over to straddle your partner. Keep up the kissing and tease him with a little grinding action with your clothes on (if you haven’t ripped them off yet, that is).

From here, you can certainly go down on him or lift your hips up so he can take care of you for a few minutes. And before you decide it’s time to go for a ride, consider using a silicone-based lubricant to make for smoother, more pleasurable sex. Using lube doesn’t mean you aren’t ‘wet’ enough, it just means you’re smart and care about the pleasure of yourself and your lucky partner.

Find the right position:

The actual body positioning of girl-on-top is what most women feel insecure about, but if whatever you’re doing feels good, keep it up.

Traditionally, you can practice the cowgirl position by straddling your partner with your knees on the floor/bed. You can lean toward him and use your arms as support or have him sit up and wrap your arms around his neck.

From here, lift your pelvis in slow motions up and down or forward and back. Your legs may do some minor work, but let your pelvis and hips do most of the action. If you enjoy rocking or circling your hips with your partner inside you, go for it!

Some women prefer a more frog-style approach to girl-on-top, which is equally as correct! With this position, you would squat over your partner and use your legs to move up and down.

If you’re up for creativity in the bedroom, these advanced girl-on-top moves can take your ride to new orgasmic heights.

Don’t give up, troubleshoot:

If you aren’t feeling it right away, don’t hop off or roll him over for yet another evening of classic missionary. Finding your sensitive spots takes practice, so relax and work to find what feels best for you.

Move your body forward and backward from the hips, try shifting left to right or grind in circular motions to find the sensations that you like best. You can also change the angle of penetration by laying your chest on your partner’s or by leaning back on your hands. If you’re really up for experimentation, turn around to try reverse cowgirl!

When you’re taking the reins, don’t worry about whether it feels good for him. If you have his penis inside you, trust us, it feels good. This is the position where you can earn your own orgasm; take advantage of it!

Use your (or his) hands:

One of the best benefits to cowgirl sex is that your vulva and clitoris are exposed, making it easy for you or your partner to stroke them during the act if you aren’t already hitting it during your grind. Seeing as you’re already in total control of your G-spot stimulation in this position, why not go for a full-on blended orgasm?

There’s no shame in asking him to touch you—or just taking his hand and putting it where you want—while you’re doing the penetration work. He’s just laying back and enjoying the view, so he can handle a little job!

For a new sexual experience, you can practice using the edging technique together for an intense, total-body climax.