Carrie Underwood opened up last year about the three heartbreaking miscarriages she suffered between the birth of her son Isaiah, 4, and Jacob, now almost 5 months old. While the losses were incredibly painful for both Underwood and her husband, Mike Fisher, they did reap one reward for the singer.
"I've always wanted to be a good daughter to my parents but also to God and not complain, because we are beyond blessed," Underwood told PEOPLE. "I get to do what I love, I have an incredible family. I have Mike, I have Isaiah, I have great parents. I have all of these amazing people around me, and I don't want to complain, ever."
"But the miscarriages made me get real with God and say, 'Okay, I'm kind of giving up a little bit," she continued. "If this isn't meant to happen, then I need to accept that and know that someday I'll understand why.'"
Underwood's faith might be stronger than ever now, but in the midst of her losses, she was anything but hopeful.
"Of course you wonder if it's you, what am I doing wrong, or what have I done wrong," admitted Underwood. "I remember having conversations with Mike trying to make sense of it all."
It was after one night of Underwood crying out to God while pregnant with her youngest, when she thought she was experiencing another miscarriage, that she found out she was actually having a healthy pregnancy. Now, the Oklahoma native couldn't be more grateful for the gift of her two sons.
"We heard that everything was okay and I was pregnant with Jacob," she recalled. "He's just this perfect little bundle of a smiley guy."
Now that Underwood has two children, the 36-year-old feels much more settled into parenthood, and ready to tackle any challenges that come her way.
"There is a thing about motherhood that makes you feel like, 'Okay, if I can do that, I can do anything,'" Underwood reflected. "And I feel like I'm a little older, a little wiser. This isn't my first rodeo."
"[Isaiah] was 11 months old when we started the last tour," Underwood told ABC News. "So it was very much like: do a little makeup, make him dinner, come back and do my hair, then get him ready for bed. So it was worlds colliding, but it was great. I'm so lucky I get to take my kids to work with me. Not everybody gets to do that."
Photo Credit: Getty Images / John Shearer