In the video from Sept. 22, in which she answered questions from her fans, she said depression had consumed her life for five years.
"Depression was my life for five years straight. Depression and anxiety was the forefront of everything that I did in my life. Every single thing. I would make myself have the courage to keep going," she said.
"I think I was on autopilot for about five years, kind of just going through the motions and figuring out who I am and just doing the best I could ... People would pick me apart completely," she said at another point in the video.
Later, she said what helps is being "really, really kind to myself. I really hated myself for so long. I hated who I was. And it's weird, because no one else did — well, a lot of other people did that don't matter. I just didn't like who I was. I don't think i cared enough about who I was. And that was terrifying."
"I just want to be real with you guys," she said at one point in the video.
"Obviously I had a weird couple months, but it's fine. I feel good," she said.
When one fan asked for tips about their anxiety, she said, "I get this feeling where I start sweating in places cause I'm nervous. I was in the studio last night and I was recording an amazing song and while I was in the studio I started sweating. I literally started sweating in the weirdest places. I think it was because in my mind I was like, 'Oh this song isn't good, This song isn't gonna be good. It's in my head that this song is gonna be good.'"
Later, she said, "Anxiety is a very difficult thing but what helps me through everything is my faith."
The day after posting the live video, the 26-year-old singer appeared to be distancing herself from the negativity of social media prior to her reported two separate hospitalizations in the last month — once at the end of September and once in the first week of October.
"Mood lol (I was looking at myself in the mirror — like an idiot!)" she wrote under the photo, later editing it to add, "Update: taking a social media break. Again. As much as I am grateful for the voice that social media gives each of us, I am equally grateful to be able to step back and live my life present to the moment I have been given. Kindness and encouragement only for a bit!"
She added, "Just remember- negative comments can hurt anybody's feelings. Obvi."
TMZ reported Thursday that Gomez was hospitalized the first time after breaking down in September over an "alarmingly" low white blood cell count in the wake of her kidney transplant. When her low count continued into the next month, she reportedly was checked into the hospital again.
When she was prohibited from leaving the hospital by her doctors, she reportedly had a "meltdown" and tried to rip an IV out of her arm during an "emotional breakdown."
She was reportedly taken to a treatment facility on the east coast where she is undergoing dialectical behavior therapy, which Psychology Today reports can be used to treat everything from borderline personality disorder to depression, explaining the therapy is "thought to have the capability of helping those who wish to improve their ability to regulate emotions, tolerate distress and negative emotion, be mindful and present in the given moment, and communicate and interact effectively with others."
Gomez mentioned dialectical behavior therapy in the live video she posted prior to leaving social media, saying she thinks it should be taught in every school and that she's been studying it for the past year or so.
Last year, she announced that she underwent a kidney transplant, receiving the organ from her best friend, actress Francia Raisa. The transplant was a result of her lupus diagnosis.0comments