Halsey, now 29, recently shared a harrowing experience on the SHE MD podcast from their early career. The “Lucky” vocalist disclosed that they endured a miscarriage during a live performance when they were just 20 years old. This disclosure, made on Aug. 6, offers a glimpse into a personal struggle faced by a public figure.
Halsey, who uses she/they pronouns, recounted the distressing incident to podcast hosts Mary Alice Haney and Dr. Thaรฏs Aliabadi. “I miscarried during a concert,” Halsey began, adding, “I started miscarrying before the show.” The artist found themselves in an unenviable position, torn between their physical and emotional turmoil and their professional obligations.
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The stakes were high for the young performer. “There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that to me, there [were] a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me,” Halsey explained. Faced with this dilemma, they made a difficult decision to proceed with the performance.
To manage the situation discreetly, Halsey resorted to an unconventional solution. “What ended up happening was I ended up just putting on an adult diaper,” they revealed. The set was mercifully brief. “They’d only asked me to perform I think 45 minutes. And I didn’t really have that much music out, to be honest with you, so I don’t know that I could have played longer,” Halsey added.
The aftermath of the performance was equally challenging. Halsey recounted, “I went to a hotel and I was sick all night. I remember sitting in the bathtub because I just didn’t know what to do with all the blood.” The ordeal continued as they had to board a flight to Canada early the next morning, all while dealing with prolonged bleeding and physical discomfort. “And then waking up at 5 or 6 in the morning to get on another airplane to go to Canada,” they recalled.
The concert, which was filmed, serves as a painful reminder for Halsey. Reflecting on the footage, they noted, “It’s funny because when I look at it now, I see myself just white and sweating, and my voice is different. My voice is guttural. I sound and look like a different person.”
Perhaps most challenging was the sense of isolation Halsey experienced. “I just remember feeling like, ‘I don’t know who to talk to about this,’” they shared. At the time, Halsey felt the narratives surrounding miscarriage seemed disconnected from their reality as a young, unmarried artist. “Because at the time, the only stories about miscarriage that I had heard were from women who were happily married,” they explained. “And they most of the time would speak about it after they had successfully conceived and carried to term and been like, ‘So this happened before this.’ It was just a world of information that [wasn’t] accessible to me, I just felt so alone.”
The experience left Halsey grappling with a wide range of emotions. “I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career,” they admitted. Yet, the loss still brought feelings of confusion, guilt, and grief, alongside a sense of relief. “And I remember thinking to myself, ‘I’m just 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby,’” Halsey added.
Since that difficult time, Halsey has continued to evolve both personally and professionally. In July 2021, they welcomed their son Ender with former partner Alev Aydin.
