In a resurfaced clip from his show Parts Unknown, Anthony Bourdain talked about his battle with depression, which ultimately led to his death on Friday morning.
The clip comes from a 2016 episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown on CNN. In it, the host travelled to Argentina, where he learned that psychoanalysis and therapy were a huge part of the culture. As always, Bourdain had to try out the city's specialty, so he went to an Argentinian therapist.
In the clip, Bourdain starts out by being glib and self-deprecating as he lies on the stereotypical leather couch in the therapist's office. He jokes about food, and says that at times he feels like nothing more than a tube to have food shoved into it. When asked what brought him into the office, he puts all the burden on a sub par airport burger.
"I will find myself in an airport, for instance, and I'll order an airport hamburger. It's an insignificant thing, it's a small thing, it's a hamburger, but it's not a good one. Suddenly I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that can last for days."
Bourdain discussed his constant sense of profound loneliness, always feeling like an outsider. He compared himself to Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
"I feel kind of like a freak," he said, "and I feel very isolated. I communicate for a living but I'm terrible at communicating with people I care about."
However, Bourdain made it clear that there were good times for him as well, and explained how he finds his way out of a spiral like the one described above.
"There's the evil hamburger that sets me off, suddenly I'm super depressed for days. It's like that with the good stuff too. I have a couple of happy minutes there where I'm thinking, 'ahh. Life is pretty good.'"
Bourdain was found dead in a hotel room in France on Friday morning. The 61-year-old died by suicide, though the investigation is still underway. Bourdain was the second shocking celebrity death of the week, following fashion designer Kate Spade, whose passing also appeared to be a suicide. The two cases struck up a national conversation about mental health and suicide prevention, especially on social media where people shared their own stories in an attempt to honor Spade and Bourdain.
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).