This Is Us explored the story behind Toby's depression in a heartbreaking new episode.
The episode started with a montage of Toby's childhood, showing how he was constantly ignored by his parents fighting all the time. The show then goes back to the present, where Kate (Chrissy Metz) and Toby (Chris Sullivan) wait for the results of her egg retrieval.
The process ends up with Toby and Kate having one viable embryo to implant. One shot at their dream of having a biological child.
Later the show goes back to Toby's childhood, to a time when he and his mother were doing Back-to-School shopping, to frustrating results.
"I am really too tired for this today," she says, as she tries to appease Toby's crying baby brother.
"Mom, you're constantly in bed. I need new school clothes," he says.
"Can I just please have one day? Please stop crying," she says, holding back tears at the store. Toby puts on a blazer and attempts an impression to make his mother feel better.
"Are you doing Rodney Dangerfield?" she says and laughs. She hugs him and he realizes he can help her feel better by being his sunshine, much like he is for Kate in the present.
Kate is paranoid about staying calm and not freaking out about her prospective pregnancy and she thanks Toby for being his rock.
"Always," he says before he closes the front door behind him and he lingers for a second trying to compose himself.
He later remembers when his father left the house, saying he'll still see him on the weekends.
"You're a good kid Toby, but there's so much of her in you it scares the hell out of me," his dad says. "This sad sack thing that comes off of you, you better find a way to get handle on it, because this crap simply will not fly when you're grown."
In the present, Toby goes to the pharmacy and explains to the teller how he flushed his anti-depressants.
"I went off my meds, and today I find out if I can go back on them... and I need to get back on them right now," he says. The pharmacist tells him he has to visit his doctor so he can get back on his meds. She asks if he has someone who could pick him up, but he says under his breath that Kate can't find out about his depression issues.
As Kate performs an Adele birthday gig for a client, Toby heads to an arcade, as his issues continue to flare up and he remembers when his first wife left him.
"I'll get back on the meds... I'm just going through a rough patch," he says.
"We gave it a shot. Maybe it's not meant to be with us," she says.
Later the series shows Toby's mom visiting an adult Toby as he has allowed his depressing take over his life. He says he can't get out of bed.
"I did, with the help of a 10-year-old boy who did impressions," she says. "Listen to me. The joy in you is as much a part of you as the sadness, you hear me?"
The pep talk gives him the encouragement to go back to therapy and the group that led him to meet Kate. Back in the present, Toby realizes he's late to finding out the results of Kate's tests and rushes back home.
Toby arrives home and Kate says that the doctor called and she is officially pregnant. The news leaves Toby overwhelmed with emotion, and he breaks down.
Kate calls Toby's doctor and she finds out he has been off the meds for all those weeks, she tells Toby about the doctor wanting to readjust his meds revisiting the flash forward moment fans saw in the season two finale.
Will Toby make it out of his depression to be there for Kate and the baby to come? This Is Us airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on NBC.1comments