Steve Buscemi Reveals He Struggled With Mental Health Issues After Volunteering at Ground Zero

Steve Buscemi is opening up about his experience on the frontlines at the World Trade Center after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and the toll, both emotional and physical it continues to take on him. The former New York City firefighter, 63, penned an essay for TIME magazine Thursday ahead of the 20th anniversary of 9/11.

The actor recalled being in the thick of the rescue efforts "felt good," but when he got home, he struggled emotionally with what has just happened. "I was on the site for less than a week, but it wasn't until I got home that the magnitude of it all caught up with me," he recalled. "I was already seeing a therapist, and though it was almost impossible to process the enormity of what had happened, just having someone with whom to sit with all the feelings was a consolation. It's not something first responders usually get. Announcing vulnerability is a hard thing for anyone, but especially for people whose primary identity is as a protector."'

At Ground Zero, it was the dust from the destroyed building that became more of a problem than the toxic chemicals in the air. "Pulverized concrete and who-knows-what that clogged a face mask, so fast you worked better without one," Buscemi wrote. "Somebody'd say, 'This is probably going to kill us in 20 years.' Well, it didn't take 20 years."

First responders and people on the scenes developed "debilitating chronic conditions" before the rubble was even cleared, and the actor pointed out that more people are believed now to have died from toxic exposure at the 9/11 site than on that tragic day. "It was of course thick with carcinogens," Buscemi said of the cloud that surrounded the first responders on the scene. "But had the truth been shared with the firefighters, I'm pretty sure they would have kept right on working."

After 9/11, Congress created the Victim Compensation Fund to help first responders with what they had dealt with at that time, but when money ran out, survivors themselves had to lobby for permanent funding. Comedian Jon Stewart and activist John Feal led the effort, which was "backed by every former firefighter who cannot laugh without coughing, and every family member who pretends not to notice." Buscemi noted, "'Never forget,' everyone said. Some people have no choice. What's surprising is who has to be reminded."

Sunday, Stewart and Pete Davidson will put on a comedy show supporting 9/11 charities in New York's Madison Square Garden. Performing at the event are Amy Schumer, Bill Burr, Colin Jost, Colin Quinn, Dave Attell, Dave Chappelle, Jay Pharoah, Jimmy Fallon, John Mulaney, Michael Che, Ronny Chieng, Tom Segura and Wanda Sykes.