Liam Payne Previously Opened up About Suicidal Thoughts and Drug Abuse During His One Direction Career

Former One Direction member Liam Payne had been candid about his struggles with mental health and substance abuse during his time with the famous boy band. His openness about these challenges lends sobering context to the recent tragic news of his untimely passing at the age of 31 in Buenos Aires.

In a revealing interview on Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast in 2021, Payne detailed his battle with addiction while touring with One Direction. He described a period he termed his “pills and booze phase,” pointing to images where he appeared visibly bloated. Payne explained, “My face was 10 times bigger than it is now. The problem was, the best way to secure us was to lock us in a room, and what is in the room? A minibar.”

The singer admitted that this environment led to what felt like a perpetual party for one, spanning years. Reflecting on this period, Payne said, “And then you look back how long you’ve been drinking and stuff, and you’re like, Jesus Christ, that’s a long time. Even for someone who’s as young as I was. It was wild.”

Payne described the restrictive nature of their fame, stating, “It was like, the only way you could get frustration out in the day or being trapped… And, you know, I spoke about to somebody about this and  in child development as a teen, the one thing you need is, is freedom to make choices and freedom to do stuff.”

He further elaborated on the repetitive nature of their lives, saying, “And it was the one thing that, although we could do anything we wanted, it seemed from the outside that we were always locked in a room at night. And then it will be car, hotel, room, stage, sing. So it was like, they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute, and then, woohoo! And then it’s like back underneath it, and I’m like, gah.”

When questioned about whether these struggles led to suicidal thoughts, Payne confirmed, “Yeah. There is definitely some stuff I have never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really severe.” He further elaborated on his lowest points, saying, “I had a few of them. I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be. Where’s rock bottom for me? And you would never have seen it. I’m very good at hiding it. No one would have ever seen it.”

Payne also reflected on the uncertainty of his rock bottom, stating, “I mean, I don’t even know if I hit it yet. You know what I mean? I feel like it’s like one of those little graphs you see when it’s like, Oh, we hit the support, the market support. Yeah. We there at least the support level…So it feels like I can either make that choice now and pick my last moment as my rock at the bottom, or I can make a new one and make a whole new low as my choice.”

Payne’s journey with One Direction began when he was just 16 years old. The band, formed in 2010 on The X Factor, quickly rose to become a global phenomenon before their split in 2015. The rapid ascent to fame took its toll on the young star.

In 2023, Payne took a significant step towards recovery, proudly announcing 100 days of sobriety following a stint in rehab. In a YouTube video, per Irish Star, he expressed feeling more in control of his life, saying, “I just kind of feel like I’ve got more of a grip on life and everything that was getting away from me, I just feel like I’ve got more of a handle on it.”

Tragically, Payne’s life was cut short in October 2024 when he reportedly fell from the third floor of his hotel room in Buenos Aires. The circumstances surrounding his death are still under investigation.