Alleged Philadelphia Exorcism Foiled in Home Depot Lumber Aisle

Pennsylvania police thwarted what was reported to be an exorcism in the middle of a Home Depot lumber aisle. According to Penn Live, Lackawanna County police were called to the home improvement store around 3:30 p.m., which is prime exorcism time for those uninitiated.

The call was reportedly for “bad behavior” by a group in the store, with police asked to escort them from the premises. But the description on the Dickson City Police Department Facebook page describes the incident as an “exorcism in the lumber isle for the dead trees.” According to the New York Post, two people were involved in the alleged incident and weren’t charged with any crime.

The validity of the incident is undoubtedly in question. And from the looks of it, it always will be outside of posts like this one. There is a lot of imagination at work across the internet, but here we see a pair of people putting on their finest robes, driving down to the Home Depot and “exorcising” the demons of dead trees from the lumber by throwing water at the boards and shouting verses from Walden or some equally organic book.

It would also likely be far more believable if the pair were having a real exorcism with another human being. It makes a little more sense than chanting at 2x4s and plywood. Pressboard alone is how many different dead tree souls?

The New York Post added that many commenters felt the same way plus showed frustration over the lack of details. “How does a wood exorcism happen in 2021 and not a single person in Home Depot videoed this for our entertainment. I need answers,” one commenter wrote, neglecting the idea that we still haven’t found Bigfoot despite the current tech. “THE POWER DRILL OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU,” another wrote jokingly, echoing the famous line from The Exorcist.

“Wait … Why did you stop it? Now we got a possessed individual running loose?!” a third wrote, ignoring that the exorcism was allegedly for the lumber and not any one person. Also being ignored by everybody is the lack of fire, the oldest foe of the tree world. If these potential spiritual healers are found dead in the coming weeks, we’ll likely have our answer.

As of Friday night, the original post on the Dickson Facebook page only has 285 comments and 681 shares. Beyond that, it has gone viral across the internet due to the wild concept at play. So now the clock is ticking before it is either forgotten or discovered to be untrue.