If you’ve noticed the recent menstrual cup trend, you’re not alone. More women than ever are coming clean about what it’s like to wear a menstrual cup instead of using tampons or pads — and they either love it or hate it.
Perhaps one of the best reactions comes in the form of writer Alex Logan’s “Ode to Hatred” to her Diva Cup, where she hilariously recounts the reusable receptacles’ pros and (mostly) cons.
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Among complaints like its price (“You cost $40!”), Logan tells how messy her Diva Cup was. “Getting you into my vagina was like playing a game of bloody thumb wars with my junk,” she wrote. “Every time. Bend, fold, twist? Get my hand up there and see if it’s in place? Both hands?”
Not only was the Diva Cup messy, but Logan also related how it was uncomfortable and inconvenient.
“You were NEVER comfortable, not once, Diva Cup,” she wrote. “This may be because you come in two sizes: Model 1, which is for fresh, nubile 20-somethings. And Model 2…because Diva Cup assumes that once you turn 30, your cup needs to be the size of a toilet plunger ‘to prevent leaks.’”
Logan said that even with the constant readjusting, folding and angling to try and get the cup to “pop” into place, it constricted her urine flow and even waste elimination.
“You pinched off my urethra so that my piss came out at either 100 PSI or not at all. It was hard to poop,” she wrote. “Despite this, the cup leaked constantly.”
MORE: 10 Percent of Women Experience This ‘Pee Problem’ — Are You One of Them?
Next, she mocked those who tout the cup’s convenience.
“‘You can go all day without having to change anything! You can cut down on sanitary supplies, all you need is your cup!’ Bleeders, you know who you are. This is a lie. Nothing but a terrible, malicious lie. If you bleed like a motherf—-r, you WILL need to empty this thing,” she wrote. “And then, not only will you probably need not only liners, but backup pads, not to mention wipes and everything else to keep from looking like Carrie on prom night.”
Later, she regaled the time she accidentally dropped her Diva Cup upon removal, warning that the cup “bounces” and comparing it to an “instant Tarantino movie.”
“It took 45 minutes to clean everything up. When I related this experience online, someone disdainfully asked why I hadn’t been hovering over the toilet like I was an idiot.”
A day after her nightmarish week with the Diva Cup, Logan has no plans to give it a second chance. Aside from the inconvenient aspects listed above, she also said it wasn’t cost-efficient like so many Diva Cup endorsers say. She wrote that the backup pads and wet wipes she used weren’t cutting down on expenses (or “exactly saving the landfills”).
“Women, join with me,” she concluded. “If the Diva Cup didn’t work for you, you are absolutely not alone. Maybe I’m in the minority, but F— THE DIVA CUP!”
Have you ever had an experience with the Diva Cup (or another menstrual cup)?
[H/T Instagram / @thedivacup]
Related:
7 Things You’ll Only Understand If You Have an IUD
A Serious Warning to the Ladies Who Work out in Their Underwear
6 Things You Should Always Do After Sex
