Rory Feek Shares New Blog Post About Rediscovering Joey Feek After Her Passing

05/21/2016 05:37 pm EDT

After Joey Feek passed away in March 2016, her husband Rory and their daughter Indiana, along with Rory's two daughters from a previous relationship, headed back to the couple's farm to start a new chapter in their lives.

Now, in a new post on his blog, This Life I Live, Rory shared just how much things changed for him during that time, and how he is learning to rediscover his wife's memory day by day.

In the post, titled Alive and Well, Rory revealed that when he and his daughters arrived at the farm, he expected to remember his wife as she was before her illness, but found that he couldn't.

"I thought I would be able to remember the good times we had and the love we shared here at our farm… the amazing thirteen years of life we had together," he wrote. "But I couldn't. It was gone. All I could remember of her was the end. The five months of dying. The Joey that had no hair and couldn't get out of bed. The mother that could barely hold the baby she loved. And the life we held together by a song, in the brick house by the Gaither's pond."

"I was scared that's how it might always be," Rory continued. "That the Joey I met and married and fell in love with – the one that I had a beautiful baby with – was gone from my memory forever."

Rory shared that he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to remember Joey as she once was, but then he found footage of their lives that he began shooting in 2014 when the pair decided to take a break from music.

"In full-color on the big screen of my iMac, Joey became alive again… filled with love and joy and hope and passion for me and for the life God had given us," Rory wrote.

Rory explained that watching the film has been a healing process, and being able his wife on a regular day in their life is something he will always treasure.

"I still have much, much more of our lives to look through," he wrote at the end of the post. "A thousand little clips to watch and try to piece together. And I will get to see Joey live through it all. And I will not see her fight and lose her battle with cancer until I get to that part… and then, maybe then… after watching it unfold on film in front of me… I will better understand how we got there. How we got here. And maybe even why. Probably not. But maybe."

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