While not much is more fun than a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toe-curling romp in the hay (other than, like, a really good dinner), there are times when sex can be downright dangerous. If your judgement is impaired or you're just so lost in the moment that you become momentarily clumsy, some pretty cringeworthy things could happened during the deed.
Some Reddit users shared their most interesting sex injuries for all the world to see, and we can't tear our eyes away. Here's to hoping none of this has ever happened to you — and may it be a warning for future TLC sessions with your partner.
One Reddit user described a certainly memorable experience that she could never quite erase from her memory — or his pillowcase.
"I once got a ridiculous nosebleed during doggy style. Didn't notice until it was over. I pulled my face out of the pillow and noticed it was sopping. I told him to turn the light on and he nearly vomited. My entire face was 100% covered in blood, as well as the pillow. We literally squeezed blood from the pillow there was so much. It looked like a murder scene, and when I walked out of the room to clean up his drunk roommate just stared. Had no idea what to do." — owltattoo
It sounds like these two frisky lovebirds forgot to lay down a picnic blanket during their afternoon delight with the birds and the bees.
"My boyfriend and I unknowingly had sex in a patch of poison ivy and I had poison ivy (for the first time) between my legs, on my a-s, on my forehead, and on my palms (which is the WORST), and he had it on his face and hands. Funny thing is, it commonly happens to couples at my school." — inked
One Reddit user's sex sesh was so good that his head was still spinning — unfortunately for him, he forgot that so was the ceiling fan.
"Stood up on the bed to turn off a lamp near the headboard right after finishing, took a ceiling fan to the eye. Had to wear a patch for a couple days." — ArMcK
If this experience doesn't stop you from having drunk sex in the future, let it at least be a lesson in letting a professional do the shoulder popping:
"While having drunk sex, I dislocated a guy's shoulder. The rest of the house was also pretty hammered, and the closest hospital was 30+ miles away. After trying to get it back in ourselves (and making it worse), we had to wait til someone was sober enough to drive. He had to sit in excruciating pain for almost an hour and a half before anyone was confident enough to drive. Needless to say, I felt like a real a--hole." — Purjinke_Shift
Usually it's a good thing when you're seeing stars after sex, but we're betting that the literal interpretation of that metaphor isn't so fun. Just ask this Reddit user:
"I once got concussion from having sex. I was on top, normal cowgirl position when my boyfriend thrusts a bit and I overbalance and smacked my head into the wall next to us. Mood was destroyed instantly and I spent the rest of the night felling very very sick and having a sore head." — Jingleberry
Ah, the days of young love. One high schooler said he threw his back out during sex and wasn't prepared when his mother asked him how he did it.
"I threw my back out once, and being still in high school, when my mom came to pick me up and asked what happened, I replied with 'I slipped on some ice'. It was the middle of May." — RedditVirgin218
In a kinky sex sesh gone wrong, one Reddit user's boyfriend miscalculated the distance between her face and her eardrum — and she paid the price.
"Boyfriend tried to give me a playful slap in the face, got my ear instead, burst my eardrum. It was perforated in five places and I was deaf in that ear for weeks. I went to the doctor to get it checked to see if it would ever heal, and told him some ridiculous story about falling over onto my ear. He said he'd never seen anything like it and was going to tell all his colleagues. Whoops!" — nekolalia