You always hear about the honeymoon phase, complete with its starry-eyed joy, anticipation for life's journey together and most notably, the super hot eye-rolling, toe-curling sex.
Skip some years, and the next phase in a couple's intimate life you always hear about is when the romance completely dies, with kids and comfort leading to a sexless marriage.
How do we go from mind-blowing sex to no sex at all? Though you think it'll never happen to you and your beloved spouse, there are some ways to ensure that passion is never lacking in your marriage, no matter your years of matrimony.
Read on to discover some creative tips for keeping the spark alive and having active sexy time throughout your years of wedded bliss.
You’ve been trained to think that the only way to keep the spark alive is to connect, show constant affection, etc. But really, being together at all hours of the day can have the opposite effect!
You’ve heard the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and it also makes the spouse grow hornier. Finding time to separately do the things you enjoy—like attending sporting events, going to the gym, girls nights—will help you avoid the habituation and constant comfort that leads to a sexless marriage.
When you do connect, the anticipation of spending quality time together will help your romantic situation.
If you’re wondering “How can I have great sex with the same person forever?”, and clearly you are, think about what masturbation truly is. You’re literally the only one who can touch yourself, so it’s the same thing — yet no one ever gets tired of doing it.
If you’re confident in your ability to masturbate for the rest of your life without getting sick of it, you’re certainly capable of adding your partner into the mix. If you’re in an attraction rut, try touching yourselves in the same room.
You’ll be able to give your spouse a visual of what turns you on most and, since getting aroused is usually the toughest part, you can always turn the solo sessions into a couples romp between the sheets.
When you’re in your 20s, it’s easy to think about hot sex ideas and scandalous erotic situations to try with your partner, but what happens 30 years later? You’ve never seen a senior citizen as a Victoria’s Secret model, so the thought of a sexy older woman might just seem unfathomable.
Luckily, though, a study found that if you’ve been married to the same person for 65 years, you have more sex than you did at your 50th wedding anniversary.
You may not be twisting your bodies into pretzels, but never think you’ll grow too old for sex. Your partner vowed to love you “for better or for worse” but they’ll also love your body with wrinkles and with rolls.
Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, is letting go of “the myth of spontaneity. Committed sex is willful, premeditated, focused and present,” according to The Guardian. You don’t have to be caught in a fit of passion to have a healthy, thriving sex life.
In fact, some of the most sexually-active couples swear by making a sex schedule, usually about once per week. You don’t have to engage in actual intercourse during these sessions; just hop in bed and try something new or bring back some well-received acts.
Need help thinking of new ways to spice things up without weirding each other out? These slightly kinky acts will do the trick.
Because steamy Game of Thrones sex scenes only happen once a week, you can’t get turned on every night by staring at the television together. Get off the couch and head to the gym to get your sweat on!
You’ll get your blood flowing (which can increase arousal), feel more energized and find that, oddly enough, seeing your partner crush their PR on the weight machine is a huge turn on.
As if that wasn’t convincing enough, keeping active lives will help you stay healthier for more years of wedded bliss… and you’ll stay more flexible for more nights of heated sex.
Kinda weird? Yes, but ‘Little People, Big World’ star Audrey Roloff says it brings a deeper connection to their lovemaking.
"We both brought our crumpled paper vows with us on our honeymoon and had planned to reread them to each other again at some point," she said. "Then I had this crazy idea... What if we read our vows to each other while having sex?"
Without going into details, Roloff said, "It was the most intimate thing we have ever done in our marriage, and probably the most intimate thing I have ever done in my life."
It may be unconventional, but after her description, don’t knock it ’til you try it.
Women, unlike many men, require some teasing to be turned on. Instead of saying, “Let’s have sex,” just ask for a cuddle or make-out session and work your way up if you’re both interested in more.
One of the easiest ways to kill your sex life is to have mediocre sex because you think you should be doing it. Listen to your bodies and only do the deed when you’re really into it so you’ll continue to crave those genuinely sexy nights. Seriously, nobody craves ‘eh’ sex.
And ladies, if you're having trouble getting in the mood even when you want to be intimate, try vaginal breathing. It sounds weird, but it works! Close your eyes, relax and breathe deeply, pretending your vagina is controlling the breath. You can gently contract and release those muscles if it helps, but you should feel tingly within a minute.
If you’re a missionary-only type of couple, it’s time to branch out, even just a little. When you discover new things your partner enjoys (this list is a good place to start), remember them, but don’t do that same thing every time!
Strive for making every sex session just a little different so you never know exactly what to expect from your night of love. It could be as simple as getting completely naked, adding a pillow as a prop or getting creative when it comes to oral.