Imagine this: You’re doing the deed with an extremely hot guy. Things are going really well, and then suddenly, they aren’t. Maybe he loses his rhythm, maybe he’s avoiding eye contact — the point is, something has changed. Just like there are some things that women almost universally hate in the bedroom (mention of exes, lack of awareness for the all-important clitoris, or rushing through foreplay, to name a few), there are common turnoffs for guys in the bedroom. Some of these might surprise you, some of these might seem inconsequential, but avoiding these pitfalls will ensure that sex is good for both of you.
Penises can be a bit of a mystery, but it’s worth learning about this all-important member to ensure that you’re giving your man the pleasure he wants and avoiding such no-no's as biting, lack of pressure during hand jobs, or handling it with a bit too much vigor. Just like vaginas, penises are super sensitive, so treat them with care!
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: real life is not porn, for a number of reasons, but among them, because you don’t have to constantly be screaming and whipping your hair back and forth to show you’re having a good time. Being overly enthusiastic and artificial makes both you and your partner uncomfortable, so it’s better to tone down the theatrics and show how you actually feel, even if it means being quieter. Moaning with conviction is far better than moaning as fiction.
No one likes to be lied to, especially in the bedroom. If you aren’t able to come, that’s okay! Contrary to popular belief, orgasms aren’t the end-all be-all of sex. It’s completely possible to have amazing sex without them, so if it’s hard for you to come during penetrative sex, don’t sweat it. If you’re fibbing to your partner about coming because you want to make them feel good about themselves, that’s also not the right way of thinking. If you lie about coming, you never get to tell, or show, your partner how to actually get you off. Honesty is always the best policy.
While we all have days where we feel less than great about our appearance, skills, or personality, confidence is incredibly important for a satisfying sexual experience. Your partner wants to know that you feel comfortable enough around him to bare your gorgeous body, but if you can’t bare the idea of someone else seeing you naked, your guy is going to feel that trepidation, and he’s not going to want to get busy if you’re not comfortable. The old epithet is true: learn to love yourself so others can love you (or, in this case, your body).
While we’ve all had the occasional sex where we were feeling a little lazy and asked out partners to do the work; if this is your go-to move, chances are your man is not a fan. Sex is fun because it involves equal participation of two people; if one person is always doing all the work, they’re not getting as much pleasure out of the act, and are less likely to come back for more.
Oral sex is great, but not if it’s not returned. Unless you and your partner have previously discussed your aversion to going down on him, if he goes down on you, it’s a good idea to return the favor at some point. There’s nothing better than someone lavishing his or her attention on you and making you feel good, but if he’s always one doing the pleasuring, he’ll start to feel neglected.
Sure, you and your man have your bedroom antics down to a science. You both know the exact positions that make each other go crazy, and while having that knowledge is great, it’s good to shake things up a bit. If you’re unwilling to change up the routine, you’re missing out on creating new, exciting experiences with your guy, and he might start to think that you aren’t interested enough, or don’t trust him enough.
Remember these pitfalls the next time things go south in the bedroom, and be sure to communicate about what works and doesn’t work for you and your partner. Sex can be messy, but no one wants to turn his or her partner off with an easily avoided mistake.