While most people have heard of tantric sex (thanks, Sting and Trudie Styler!), it can seem bizarre or even impossible to the uninitiated. And while you may know that it has incredible benefits for both your 'O' and your relationship's strength, it can be hard to fathom participating in the unknown.
So let's get familiar, because you don't want to miss this.
Tantra is a practice that brings spirituality into the act of love-making in order to unite body, mind and soul. While traditional sex is pretty linear—the goal is to climax and the rest is just a bonus—you'll find that tantra teaches you to resist climax and instead find a deep connection between your body and emotions, particularly as they relate to your partner.
That said, the more your practice, you may be able to reach a level of 'prolonged orgasm.' It’s similar to having multiple orgasms, but instead of hitting the highs and lows with every round, you’ll feel peak sexual pleasure for several minutes without ever experiencing a traditional orgasm. Simply put, it puts the 'O' in Om.
Is tantric sex for you? If you say yes to any of these wishes, it may be time to give this ancient practice a go.
- Reconnect emotionally with your partner
- Become more in tune with your own body
- Slow down your normal sexual experiences for more pleasure
- Try something new between the sheets
If you're ready to dive in, here are the basic steps to exploring tantra and finding your most intense orgasm yet.
While there's a time and a place for a quickie in whatever private space you can find (looking at you, parents), turn up the heat in the bedroom and take the time to create the right atmosphere.
Setting the mood for tantra means finding a quite, comfortable space—but stay off your bed; that'll just increase your urge to sleep. You can turn on relaxing music or light a few candles if that helps ignite your personal fire!
And while tantra can be performed with clothes on as a practice of connection, if you’re going to exert all this energy, why not make your intentions clear from the get-go? Remove those clothes before things ever get going.
Especially for women, pleasure depends on relaxation. Let yourself sink into the moment, relax your muscles, and open yourself up to what will likely be an overwhelming experience.
Start your session by sitting on your partner’s lap with legs wrapped around his lower back. Wrap your arms around his shoulders and bring him in tight, recognizing all your senses.
At this point, you shouldn't be getting handsy or having some tongue to tongue action! If you're a couple who tends to jump right in, use this experience as a way to slow it down and listen to your bodies, challenging yourselves to reach new sexual heights along the way.
Let your eyes be the portal to your souls. Make an effort to have uninterrupted eye contact, and know that moving from one eye to the other is cheating.
And it's okay if you laugh! This can be a challenging exercise for many couples; shake it off and try again.
Breath is the root of tantric sex as if forces you to slow down and truly connect with your partner. For an incredibly intense sensual and emotional experience, practice matching your breathing while keeping the eye contact strong.
Once you're in sync, move on to exchanging breaths in opposite cycles. When he inhales, you exhale from here, and vice versa. So this relaxing little action for as long as you feel comfortable, then work in kissing and light touching. LIGHT. TOUCHING.
Take the time to find all of your and your partner's "on" buttons. Instead of going straight for the well-known ~sexual~ zones, bring in some oil and explore every part of your bodies together.
Inconspicuous areas like the ears, neck, legs and feet are often the most sensitive spots on your bod, so make sure to touch and be touched as much as you can handle. Now's the time to figure out which areas have you absolutely vibrating before you get it on!
FINALLY, right? Some couples opt not to engage in intercourse at all during a tantric experience, but we're guessing if you've made it this far, you want some action.
Spice up your routine with new, unique positions meant to slow you down and strengthen your level of closeness. With these positions, you’ll be able to tune into your sexual range like never before, so you’ll get a strong sense of what feels best for your body and helps you feel connected to your partner.
Lie on your back in a balled position with your knees close to your chest. He should kneel in front of you, grabbing your feet, then enter you. For a more advanced version, put your feet on his chest and have him hold on to your hips for extra control and a deeper reach!
"Help your partner get comfortable in the traditional lotus position, with his legs crossed and each of his heels atop the opposite knee. Facing him, sit in his lap and mount him, with your legs wrapped snugly around his waist. Embrace each other and lock lips with a shared breath, so that as you exhale your guy inhales and vice versa. As you breathe in, rock your pelvis back and tighten your vaginal muscles. As you exhale, rock your pelvis forward and release. Your guy should mirror your movements." (via Cosmopolitan)
Remember, the point of tantra is NOT to come, though it may seem impossible.
'Slow your breathing down as you approach orgasm,' says tantra author Val Sampson. 'Most women breathe more quickly as they feel themselves peaking and tense up trying to bring the orgasm on, if instead you relax your tummy, and take slow deep breaths into your stomach, the orgasm will last longer and be more intense.'
And if you can't resist orgasm (which is likely), that's okay; just let yourself calm back down and try the process again.
Once you get more advanced in the tantra scene, you should start to notice some neat effects. These little bonuses include more energy, more vivid dreams, increased creativity and you'll notice more members of the opposite sex being attracted to you. We'll take that!