Chrissy Teigen and husband John Legend welcomed daughter Luna in April 2016, and on the outside, their life seemed pretty perfect. In a courageous new essay for Glamour, however, Teigen reveals that wasn't always the case.
The model used her essay to share that since Luna was born, she has been battling postpartum depression, and her inspiring words are helping to end the stigma surrounding the disorder.
"A year ago, in April, John and I started our family together," Teigen wrote. "We had our daughter, Luna, who is perfect. She is somehow exactly me, exactly John, and exactly herself. I adore her."
Teigen shared that she returned to work on Lip Sync Battle when Luna was four months old, and while the staff was kind and accommodating, she still found herself behaving differently toward others.
"I would be in my dressing room, sitting in a robe, getting hair and makeup done, and a crew member would knock on the door and ask: 'Chrissy, do you know the lyrics to this song?' And I would lose it," she admitted.
"Or 'Chrissy, do you like these cat ears, or these panda hands?' And I’d be like: 'Whatever you want. I don’t care.' They would leave. My eyes would well up and I would burst into tears," she added.
"I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: 'Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom,' " Teigen said.
The model wrote that if she wasn't working, she wouldn't leave the house, and there were days at a time when she would stay in the same position on the couch, not even able to muster the energy to make it up the stairs.
"Before, when I entered a room I had a presence: head high, shoulders back, big smile," she wrote. "Suddenly I had become this person whose shoulders would cower underneath her chin. I would keep my hands on my belly and try to make myself as small as possible."
Throughout all of this, Teigen was suffering from physical pain as well, including back pain and wrist pain. She saw several doctors before visiting her GP, who diagnosed her with postpartum depression and anxiety.
"I remember being so exhausted but happy to know that we could finally get on the path of getting better," she wrote.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shares that one in nine women is affected by postpartum depression, but Teigen wrote that she never thought she could have the disorder because of her love for Luna.
"I have a great life," she wrote. "I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do."
Teigen is now on antidepressants and is planning to begin seeing a therapist, and shared that she has come so far since giving birth.
"Like anyone, with PPD or without, I have really good days and bad days," she revealed. "I will say, though, right now, all of the really bad days — the days that used to be all my days — are gone."
"I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone," she wrote. "I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that — for me —just merely being open about it helps. This has become my open letter."
If you cannot get enough of this super mama, be sure to check out her Womanista Approved shoppable list, complete with her must-haves from fashion to beauty and everything in-between.
H/T / Instagram / Chrissy Teigen
These Memes of Chrissy Teigen's Nap at the 2017 Academy Awards Are Everything
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend Get Steamy in New Valentine's Day Video
The Internet Is Losing It Over This Red Carpet Moment Between Chrissy Teigen and John Legend