Just in case you've never had a child and were excited about the prospect of potentially having a few kids one day, one Australian mom has written in extreme detail about exactly how difficult and painful childbirth can be.
Zoe George, the mom of two behind The Subtle Mummy, shared the story of her first child's birth — and how it led to a "broken vagina." She graphically described the labor and the problems it brought upon her body, so fair warning: The following is not for the faint of heart.
"This is a candid, telling of events that transpired the night of March 14th leading into March 15th, which resulted in the birth of my first child and the 'broken vagina,'" she begins quite eloquently.
She writes that her son was two weeks overdue, so she went into the hospital to be induced. She wanted a natural birth, but writes that she quickly changed her mind after this birth experience.
"I tried to do it naturally. Yeah, that didn't happen. I remember I had met a lady the weekend before and she told me she counted through her contractions. 'Breathe in for six seconds and out for ten seconds. It keeps your mind busy and off the pain,' she told me. Look, it did work for 8 hrs but eventually it made me so angry I almost punched a midwife for chewing her gum mid-contraction. BRING ON THE EPIDURAL!!"
Next, she moved on to the actual birth. Ladies, you may want to cross your legs and prepare yourself for what she has to say.
"So, they tore me. SORRY, PLEASE KEEP READING. I remember the doctor leaning back, almost in a squat position, and pulling on those forceps that were around my baby's head."
"Out come baby Ari, in what seemed liked five pushes, and off to work they went stitching up my tear."
"Later, when I asked my husband why he hadn't taken any pictures with our new camera we had bought specifically for the occasion, he said there were too many people in the way. These days he retells the story describing what he saw as similar to that of a massacre/blood bath/type of scene."
"So, that was all over and I was being given a sponge bath in bed by the midwife, oh la la, until she asked me to sit up and I caught a glimpse of my vagina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Describing it as look like a hamburger, more like a whopper, would be putting it nicely. That image will forever be burned in my mind. If Frankenstein's monster had a vagina, I know exactly what it would have looked like. *shudders at the memory*. I needed about four of those vayjayjay ice poles and three overnight maxi pads to contain that joker's smile."
"We went home and the struggles began; I struggled with breastfeeding, struggled to pee, struggled to even sit on a toilet without feeling like my insides were going to drop out of the gaping hole that once was my vagina. PSA: Squatting over a hand mirror to check it out is NOT a good idea! ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION!!! I also struggled with botched stitches."
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for poor Zoe George, she writes about sex (or at least attempting sex) after her pregnancy.
"About six months later, when my ‘whopper’ had returned to looking slightly less ‘Abstract Art-esque’ and little more ‘Surrealist Art-esque’, the time had come to think about sex again… it took this long before my husband even dared to bring it up. I was petrified. I have been bungee jumping before and the thought of having sex again scared me more. We tried and it was a nightmare. That’s if it even counts… does half a tip even count?"
After a few trips to her gynecologist, George discovered that her vagina had developed scar tissue from her botched stitches. She had two options: Undergo surgery to fix said stitches, then elect for a C-section during her next pregnancy — or bear through the pain and hope the next baby tears in the same place as baby #1 so the doctors could stitch her up properly.
She chose option #2 (it worked, by the way) and got busy trying to conceive.
"In the process I managed to traumatise my vagina to the point of vaginismus. Such a gorgeous word, isn’t it? Sounds like a blossoming flower that grows at the base of a gorgeous waterfall, doesn’t it? No, it’s terrible and having it is worse than the way it sounds."
"I’m going to describe it in layman’s terms first… It’s basically when your vagina has had enough so she over tightens your pelvic floor muscles so much that nothing is allowed in. She puts up a brick wall against all intruders and no amount of banging will break down that wall."
After months of physiotherapy, George's story has a happy one: her second baby was born and she described the experience as being "amazing, so gentle and beautiful" — and she felt like she was returning to her old self just days after giving birth.
So after going through one hellish experience, George said she opened up about her experience because it's better to laugh at it than cry.
"If you can’t laugh at life then you cry, and crying aint fun."