9 People Share the Craziest Things Guys Have Done During Sex

Funny guys' weird quirks:

Some humorous men can't help but let their clowning personality creep into the bedroom. Oddly enough, their sexual humor—as weird as it may be—is sort of endearing.

"When I go down on my wife, I always greet her vagina," one reader told Thought Catalog. "It makes her laugh. Always."

Katie, 22, told Men's Health her a-moo-sing bedroom disaster: "My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex once to try and milk my boobs. He used to work on a dairy farm. He started making a weird milking motion and weird sounds and started laughing. I was like, "What the F is happening, I am not a cow."

"My husband does the most disgusting thing. He takes his penis and pretends the opening is a mouth," another user shared to Thought Catalog. "He uses his fingers to open it and close it like it's saying something. And it's always something along the lines of, 'Hey Marisa, have sex with me,' or 'Marisa, let's boogie right now.' Such a weirdo."

Some super-creepy fetish requests:

Now that you're eased in with the funny, light-hearted ones, let's dive right in to some of the weirdest requests we've ever had the misfortune of reading.

"One night this guy I was dating took things a little too far. He was on top of me and flipped me over, so I was on top. Then he told me to turn around, reverse cowgirl style," one user told Women's Health. "Then he whispered, 'Do you want to get on his horsey, cowgirl?' I thought about letting it slide until he followed up with, 'Tell daddy to giddy up, giddy up with your whip.' I did not 'giddy up.' And the relationship fizzled out by the end of the month."

Lily, 25, told Men's Health about her encounter with a guy who knew exactly what he wanted. "I was having uncomfortable, bad sex with a dude when he literally shouted 'TOUCH MY NIPPLES.' I don't think he intended to shout, but it was jarring. So I did! And he then told me I needed to sort of 'flick' them instead of what I was doing, which was confusedly rubbing them. I did some bizarre form of flicking, I think, and that seemed to be the only way to get him off (he got off in like 30 seconds flat once I got it right)."

"One guy I was seeing had a replica Apollo mission helmet, and one night without any prompting, he put it on during sex," one unlucky lady recalled to Women's Health. "Then, he insisted I say, 'F me, Neil Armstrong.' After he asked me how badly I wanted him to 'plant his flag,' I was done."

When good intentions turn sour:

We can't fault these guys for attempting to please their partner but, honestly, did they not realize how weird these requests really were?

"I'm not a g-spot person, it's just not gonna work for me. I know exactly how I work and almost always orgasm at least twice every time I have sex. The weirdest thing a dude ever did wasn't what he did, it was what he said," Jane, 28, admitted to Men's Health. "He spent like 10 minutes going at my g-spot and when I tried to kindly explain to him that it wasn't going to work and what to do. He removed his hand, flopped over and said 'BUT IT'S SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD!!!'"

One 27-year-old woman shared her stinky sex story with Glamour: "An ex boyfriend had a foot fetish he didn't tell me about until a few months into our relationship. I found out when he popped my big toe into his mouth without asking. Only after I yanked my foot away did he ask, Oh, would you rather suck on mine?' Um, no!"

"One guy I was hooking up with regularly wanted to shower after every time we had sex. Which isn't much of an issue, but there was no touching. He just wanted to wash me, like truly bathe me. Very weird," Natasha, 22, confessed to Men's Health.

Isn't dating the best?!