First dates are almost always awkward. You're trying to get to know each other while stuffing your faces with food, or staring at a movie screen, or stuck at the top of a county carnival Ferris wheel while you *really* have to go to the bathroom.
And then there are first dates that go swimmingly because your date has dirt on and incredibly iconic restaurant and you just HAVE to know literally all of it.
Joe Wadlington, an accomplished author who's currently "writing a book about guys who don’t text back," went one such date and the result is pure hilarity.
Turns out, his date used to be the general manager of the Times Square Olive Garden in New York, and he had some amazing stories about it.
I went on a date last night and the guy meekly shared that he used to be THE GENERAL MANAGER FOR THE TIMES SQUARE OLIVE GARDEN.— Joe Wadlington (@JoeWadlington) April 19, 2017
Clearly, he'd seen some shit. So the next hour and a half was me asking questions. I tried to do y'all right.— Joe Wadlington (@JoeWadlington) April 19, 2017
Joe shared a ton of things from their conversation with his Twitter followers, and we've gathered up a few of them for you here.
Scroll Down To Read More Of This Hilarious Conversation!
[H/T: A.V. Club]
"They kept saying, 'OLIVE GARDEN DOESNT DO THAT, our Olive Garden, in Ohio, doesn't do that."— Joe Wadlington (@JoeWadlington) April 19, 2017
So Joe asks if they ever ran out of those delicious breadsticks and this basically give his date traumatic flashbacks to "The Day The Breadsticks Died."
Ok, if any statement ever has deserved the LOL-face emoji, it's this one.
The idea of grown people looking at their waiter in bewilderment and, with complete and utter seriousness, saying, "Olive Garden doesn't do that," in response to a lack of breadsticks is 100% the funniest thing ever.
But then going on to add, "...Our Olive Garden in Ohio doesn't do that," just drives it home. People show their true colors when their free bread is in jeopardy.
A: Not on my shifts. But if someone wanted to, Olive Garden would not let us remove them. They are "family" and would be allowed to eat.— Joe Wadlington (@JoeWadlington) April 19, 2017
So the conversation moves to the infamous "unlimited soup/salad/breadsticks" promo and then things get really interesting.
Joe asks if anyone ever just sat there all day and night chowing down, with clearly no regard for their waistline, to which his date responds that, yes, if they wanted to do that Olive Garden's policy is to let them.
Are you grasping the magnitude of that? If you want to go to Olive Garden and just say, "I live here now," you can basically do that. Well, until they close at least.
Just say that you're "family" if anyone tries to make you leave. Doesn't that feel eerily like something a mobster would say?
Q: What's the weirdest thing that ever happened?— Joe Wadlington (@JoeWadlington) April 19, 2017
A: Oh, there was a knife fight.
Q: Tell me everything.
A: Two women. They came together.
We'll leave you with this.
Joe asks what the weirdest thing his date ever witnessed at the Times Square Olive Garden in New York City was and the guy says, "...a knife fight." You can't make this stuff up folks.